The Anxious Designer
We all have a strong reason to be one, but maybe we can do something about it
I ran Twitter poll about what I should talk about for my next Youtube video. Yes, secretly, I’ve been doing some talking head videos on Youtube… not to really fancy viewership but—as my usual self on social media—it’s just to let out some thoughts and feelings.
I find it’s a new medium that feels rather satisfying for me.
You can start anything these days. Don’t wait until that opportunity to speak in an event, or for that publisher to offer you a book deal, or somebody to interview you on a podcast. Just let it out there. Eventually you’ll find your audience, or the worst case scenario? A stream of hate comments and cancellations.
I probably care less about it nowadays as long as I am not breaking any law.
Anyway, here’s the tweet poll:
It garnered 58 responses, but the one that followed after was more interesting, which garnered more than double the responses:
It seems that most of us are still anxious about ourselves. I don’t have exact details on this poll, whether or not these include more of a “junior” population or more “mature” ones. But I suspect the mature ones have different worries… like climate change.
Something unthinkable for the juniors, or at least for the audience of my Twitter who are primarily Indonesians (maybe, maybe, just hypothetically speaking. Don’t kill me.)
To be honest it’s good to care about climate change as a designer!
The question of what makes us anxious at work kept me all night. What could possibly make designers anxious about themselves and their skills?
Then I thought to myself… "Hey Sigit, it’s not like you haven’t been there.”
I remember it’s not always been easy. In fact, it’s never been easy, even when you accumulate more experiences. I constantly doubt myself to this day. Am I up for the standards imposed by by team, company, culture and the industry?
That sounds like a heavy thing, but it does feel like that many times over.
You have this bunch of people who think of the “ideal” designers, team, culture, process, framework… we call them thought leaders.
For those constantly shift between companies and gigs… and we can’t help but constantly feeling behind all the time, or when we join a new gig.
I can’t say for anyone else, but I can definitely say for myself, that these are the things that make me anxious… and sort of what I did about them. Presenting… the top three things that make me anxious as a designer at work:
The Imposter Syndrome
Oh, the classic story.
This happens to the best of us. “Beginner” doesn’t mean junior. It just means you’re just starting out in a company or project. You will see unfamiliar faces, process, projects and standards. It’s natural that you feel anxious. Still, it is not easy. You will feel like you’re just… not as good.
What I usually do: Sometimes the only way is through.
I’ll just go with the flow, try and make mistakes and be sorry later. See how they will respond to my vulnerability. This shows so much of the culture, and you can assess accordingly whether or not you want to do something about it.
You can also see if the problem is within you or the company. If it’s within you, definitely try to make some improvements. Just don’t kill yourself while doing so.
If you believe, after so many attempts, that the problem lies externally, like the team or the company… it’s time to leave. Just make sure you have a plan.
The Stage Fever
Up until now, I hate presenting in front of my team, in front of any audience. Face to face or remotely. Live or asynchronously. The stage fever is still real after so many years doing so. My biggest worry is whether or nor I can say something succinctly and effectively the first time, in a different language (English). My native language isn’t English and no matter how many hours I’ve racked up speaking English, sometimes it doesn’t help.
What I usually do: Prepare and ignore.
First, prepare. You can do so by writing a note or pointers you want to discuss. For me, it can be as simple as a piece of paper, or as complex as an article (yes, I do write this article before talking about it on a video). If you put down your thoughts, at least it clears up 50% of your mind.
Next step: ignorance. When you talk, forget for the entire duration that you’re talking to a big audience. Just focus on yourself, ignore the crowd temporarily. For me, I put away the Zoom, Google Meets or Teams windows and just focus on the file or design. When you’re at the office, just try to look at your favourite person, or an empty wall at the back. It helped me sometimes.
The Risk Averse
We all get it. We want to do something, but we sometimes think we’re too afraid we’ll make mistakes. When we make mistakes, it affects our performance. When it affects our performance, it will affect our survival in the team.
The truth is, even the most experienced person in the team made a lot of mistakes in the past to get where they are. I did. Here are some of my mistakes:
I asked for research budget almost directly to the local General Manager, skipping procedures. It still got approved, and nobody got mad at me.
I didn’t provide enough context on my presentation with my UX leads, wasting so much time. It was a good feedback and it made me do better the next time.
I forgot to consider edge cases on my designs and the engineers kindly pushed back and PMs provided me extended time to design. All is good.
I didn’t know who to reach to on certain matter in a big organization, but I reached out to anyone I could. I finally got my contact.
I was upset with a coworker and yelled at her. Soon after, we said sorry to each other and work went on. No hard feelings.
I quit my first job in Singapore too soon, I regret it so much but a year later, I went back to Singapore, with a different job that made me happier.
Nothing really ruined my world.
What I usually do: Just do it, be sorry later.
My ex-manager at Expedia used to say to me: just do it, be sorry later. I think I tend to agree. We are grown adults, we know the boundaries. We are self-conscious. We know the boundaries. Don’t know about something? Either ask or assume, and fix later. Otherwise, we’ll stay in immobility. Companies value initiatives. As long as what you’re doing doesn’t potentially break a law or business, do it. Just one caveat: when it comes to legal issues, please do consult the legal team!
The silver lining is this: it’s just a job. You are more than your job. If you make mistakes today, it feeds you to be a better person next time. If your intent is good, it will show.
Matt Haig said a story in his book, referring to when you are lost in a forest:
If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here
Good luck.